


#6 - Blackbird

by angelsandbrowncoats



Series: Eurovision 2017 Fanfic Challenge [38]
Category: Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-01
Updated: 2017-06-01
Packaged: 2018-11-07 14:08:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11060592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelsandbrowncoats/pseuds/angelsandbrowncoats
Summary: Elinor asks Marianne what precisely changed her views on romance and allowed her to love Colonel Brandon.





	#6 - Blackbird

**Author's Note:**

> I tried to write in the style of the book. Hopefully it worked. Also there is one statement about loving only one person that is based mostly on Marianne's character and should not be taken as an opinion on polyamorous people.

Elinor once asked when it was that Marianne had begun to see the Colonel in a different light.

"For," she said, "While being rescued from the rain seems to be quite a romantic theme with you, I know you better than to think such a thing would change your convictions about love only coming to a person once."

Marianne smiled at her sister's intuition and replied, "You are right, of course. I had known - before Willoughby, even, I think - that my now dear Brandon had taken an interest in me. My opinion - that if a person finds love, even if it be taken from them, they cannot replace it is better phrased as they cannot bear to try and replace it. As such, I assumed these tales of his young love to be exaggerated. For, in my mind, if he truly had loved this girl, than he should have failed to notice me at all. And if instead his feelings had been strong but were weak enough to fade, then he could never achieve my standard of passion and the whole affair was then pointless."

"Yes, but what _changed_?" Elinor repeated her question when Marianne had been silent for a few long minutes, probably recalling her younger, more impulsive self.

"He showed me, quite by accident, that his feelings for this girl were just as strong as mine for Willoughby. That did not at all fit with my view of things and forced me to consider another possibility. You also helped me in that revelation, although you did nothing in particular to do so. I suddenly realized that there were different kinds of love. My loving Willoughby did not decrease my love for my sisters and mother. I still believe it impossible to romantically love more than one person, but when a person you love is taken from you, the love you feel for them does not stay steadfast or diminish, it changes. Brandon loves me now as I love him, but his love for that girl has become a love of her memory, as has mine of Willoughby and all of ours of our father. A collection of the best times, what we miss, and what might have been, nothing more or less."

Elinor was quiet a moment, "I suppose that makes sense. What did he show you, though, that was so impossible from your perspective?"

"For that, I must remind you of one of my more extreme moments after I received Willougby's reply in London."

~ ~ ~

"Do you know if Miss Marianne is feeling any better today?" Mrs. Jennings asked.

Elinor gave her a slightly strained smile, "Not much, but she promised me she would come down for breakfast."

"I wonder where- oh," Mrs. Jennings broke off as the sound of a door being slammed open with no small force reached their ears. Within moments a stormy Marianne appeared at the top of the stairs. She stomped her way down towards the parlour, eyes closed, brow creased, and hand gripping the rail as if she were a sailor and it were a rope tossed to her after having fallen overboard on a ship lost at sea.

"Marian-" Mrs. Jennings began to rise.

With all the impoliteness of a seaman, Marianne cut her off with biting words, "Would someone _please_ shut those awful things up. Or at the very least close the window. Would it hurt you to close the window?"

Mrs. Jennings, however hurt, was clever enough not to reply. Elinor got up and quietly shut the window.

"They're just blackbirds, Marianne," she said gently.

"And they're singing their dreadful, beautiful song. I cannot bear to hear it, not after _he_ composed such delicate and melodious words about it. To accompany it. They were his favorite, you know. Oh, I simply cannot _bear_..."

She turned as if to go, sweeping her gown behind her. Elinor hurried to stop her with a hand light on her arm.

"What?" the younger Dashwood sister practically growled, "May I not have my peace?"

"Marianne," Elinor chided, "you promised me you would come down for breakfast. One cup of tea and a roll. You promised."

The light still blazed deep in Marianne's eyes, but her posture seemed to droop all at once, as if she had lost her energy some time ago and had been running on reserves. She did not have the strength to fight her sister on such a simple point, especially when she knew she was the one in the wrong already.

"One cup of tea. One roll. Then I'm going back to my room."

Elinor inclined her head before guiding her sister to the table.

~ ~ ~

"I recall the incident," the Elinor of the present nodded, "You absolutely hated the sound of birds, but blackbirds in particular, for weeks afterwards. That, I think, I despised Willoughby for the most. He hadn't just abandoned you, he had ruined for you all that you had once loved and taken such joy in. He had robbed you of that which should have eased the blow he dealt you."

Marianne shrugged, "I have since learned, however, that independence is a wonderful thing. I shall never again let another spoil that which I cherish, although I do not think I have cause to worry that I should ever be in such a position again."

"I still do not understand, though, what this has to do with the Colonel. You said _he_ showed _you_. What does your outburst have to do with him? He was not even present."

"Ah, you see when I said he showed me by accident, what I meant was, I overheard him talking. When I was still recovering from my illness. You and mother were asleep and I needed to walk. Stretch. Something."

~ ~ ~

Marianne froze each time the stairs beneath her feet creaked. Her mother and Elinor would have a fit if they knew she was up and about. Still, she knew herself and she knew she needed activity. She had thought of, perhaps, going to the kitchens to see if there was any leftover pastry. However, at the end of the hallway on the second floor, she heard something that made her stop.

In a room to her left, she could hear the Colonel's distinct voice as he groaned in frustration. She heard the creak of a chair, footsteps, and a window slamming shut, blocking out the birds that had begun to rise with the sun. Marianne listened as the Colonel continued walking, stopping to open a drawer and pull something heavy out before returning to his chair. She was about to move on when he spoke.

"Do you remember those days when we would sneak away and watch the birds, Eliza? I always adored those moments. We would pick somewhere secluded- in a forest, on a cliff-edge, in the middle of a field. Wherever you are now, I hope you have fields. I can still remember how you would smile when we went out in one, with nothing but whatever food we could pinch and a journal for keeping track of what we saw. Oh how I miss doing that, but every time I try to continue our work, I find I miss you more. I cannot even hear the birds and their songs without thinking of you. You deserve to be surrounded by birdsong for eternity. If there is any justice in the world, then you are right now.

A part of me wants to believe that you are sending the birds to me. Telling me that you are okay. But I know the birds would be here regardless. I knew I must continue, for the sake of your daughter if nothing else, but it can be so painful. Some mornings, I hear music and my heart aches to remember the songs you used to sing. Even with your kindred spirit showing me the way to be passionate again and to _live_ rather than exist, the pain still overwhelms me sometimes. I must believe that you are happier now than you were for much of your life. As happy as you were when you were young. I must believe it."

He trailed off and Marianne suddenly became conscious that she had been eavesdropping- a less than kind way to repay the Colonel for rescuing her. Yet, as she crept back towards her room, needing the time to think, she was shocked. She had been sure the Colonel's feelings for Eliza had been lacking somehow. And here he was, saying almost the same as she had said after Willoughby, just with a lot less anger and a lot more sorrow.

~ ~ ~

"So the fact that Colonel Brandon sometimes can't stand the sound of birds challenged your entire worldview?"

"Well, when you put it that way it sounds silly..."

"How on Earth will you two manage on your own? What will happen when one of you needs to go out at the same time birds are in the trees? I mean, if you both break down in tears..."

Marianne threw a pillow at her sister, which Elinor dodged, grinning.


End file.
